At first it was scheduled for September 25. I asked if it's possible to know which doctor I would be seeing, and the scheduler said no, there are multiple doctors on duty. She asked if I had a request to see a particular doctor, and I explained how I actually have a request to NOT see a particular doctor. She said this doctor is scheduled to work that day, but she could put in a note for me to see someone else. That seemed like it had the potential to get awkward, so I asked if I could be scheduled on a day that this doctor isn't even working.
Now I just have to hope that the procedure goes well, and the final incision heals cleanly. I have some anxiety over the possibility of having another poor outcome, and I keep trying to tell myself that beyond asking for a new doctor, there's nothing more I can do about it. It's out of my hands.
I know I should try to focus on the good news, which is that my infusions will soon be ending! But part of me is not sure how to feel about that. Yes, it's something to celebrate for sure. It will be nice to not have an appointment every 3 weeks! But it also feels kind of weird. After more than a year of active treatment, I'll have to settle back into some sort of normal life.
I think a lot about this meme, which I posted before at the start of my treatment. It seems like there should be a sense of empowerment and completion, but what I'm feeling is more like disorientation, and helplessness.
Practically speaking, I am looking forward to being off Herceptin because I'm hoping it will lead to an improvement in the numbness and tingling in my fingers and toes. Or if not, at least I'll be able to eliminate one possible cause for those symptoms.
Maybe I don't feel that sense of completion because even though I can check off surgery, chemotherapy, and targeted therapy, the hormone therapy part of my treatment is still on-going.
Well, maybe I just shouldn't think about it too much. I don't need to be spending time analyzing myself when there's plenty of other things for me to think about, e.g, the kids starting school, the pandemic, the upcoming election!
Well, I’m happy to hear you’re getting your port finally removed! I hope the incision will heal smoothly this time around. I can understand how going back to “normalcy” could be difficult for all sorts of reasons. I read somewhere how cancer doesn’t come to a screeching halt once the treatment ends. It’s an emotional roller coaster. I do hope you feel some sense of relief!
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