7/29/19: Waiting

All this waiting is really hard.

I would have taken an earlier surgery date in a heartbeat, but since that's not actually an option, I just have to deal.

The silver lining of a late surgery date is that my family was able to keep all the summer plans we made before I even got diagnosed. It's nice that we can still have a normal summer. In June, we had a wonderful family trip to Niagara Falls. In July, we joined my in-laws for a very relaxing week-long beach vacation in North Carolina. On the drive there and back, we visited with family and good friends, old and new. And still to come we have a family reunion in Connecticut for my father's side of the family.

I read somewhere that a piece of advice patients are given is to take a trip to get away before starting treatment. Maybe it's a chance to celebrate your "old self" one last time before being forever altered. Or maybe it's a way to distract yourself from the anxiety of waiting. I think our trips have served both purposes, and I'm glad we took them. It's fortunate we already had them planned because I suspect I might not have taken the advice otherwise.

Another problem that comes with a late surgery date is a feeling of helplessness. There's nothing I can do to address the cancer now, I just have to sit around and wait?!?? Well, from the day I got diet and exercise advice from my friend who is a dietician, I have walked for at least 30 minutes almost every day. (I walk at least 5 days week, I am keeping track on my Fitbit!) I'm also trying to eat a more low-fat diet, though that effort has been much more of a challenge because I love food. Even though I haven't even gotten the original cancer out of me (and these recommendations were to help reduce recurrence rates), at least I feel like I'm doing something, rather than just simply waiting. I'll take any small feeling of empowerment anywhere I can get it.

I'm also planning ahead for my post-surgery recovery. I'm gathering items that I'm told will help make my recovery more comfortable, e.g., wedge pillows, cleansing wipes. I'll cook and freeze some meals like lasagna and wontons.

I still don't have access to the online patient portal, either, so I want to resolve that and get all my paperwork in order.

And on top of everything, there's the usual back-to-school business for the kids. I guess the timing is good after all so I can still tackle that to-do list. School supplies and new clothes and new shoes to shop for, not to mention the paperwork and phone calls and running around needed to authorize and acquire EpiPens / Auvi-Qs for both my kids for the upcoming school year.

So really, there's plenty to keep me busy while I wait...