She lived with Parkinson's Disease for over 14 years. It was a very slow, very gradual decline, over many years. She developed a cough after Thanksgiving; her hospice nurse said it was possibly pneumonia from aspirating food. Then she had an infection, possibly tooth-related. Even with antibiotics, a nebulizer, and pain medications, it was too much.
Last weekend, at the hospice nurse's suggestion, my sister and her family drove up. I visited every day. On Thursday night, my mom started making gurgling sounds as she breathed, and my dad called me to come over. (The gurgling is a typical sign of end of life, and is sometimes dreadfully called a "death rattle". It sounds as awful as you'd imagine, and is near unbearable to hear from someone you love.) I brought an overnight bag so I could stay as long as necessary. My father, sister, and I kept up with my mom's care around the clock, sleeping in short intervals. We were up early with my mom on Sunday morning, and we were all right by her side when she passed.
There is so much to do now. Thankfully, my dad, sister, and I are all here and can make the arrangements together; I think the tasks are too overwhelming for one person. There are so many decisions to make and things to do, at a time when a person is probably in the least likely position to want or be able to do anything.
Some people say that "bad things happen in threes". It's irrational, but I hope it's true, because I've just about had enough. I'm still in active treatment for breast cancer, my dad just started treatment for prostate cancer, and now my mom is gone. As much as I've appreciated the support and thoughts and prayers of others, I'm getting tired of needing them.
Like cancer, a death compels people to say, "Let me know what I can do to help." Well, if anyone really wants to do something to help, please consider making a donation to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. There is no cure for Parkinson's Disease, but we desperately need one. It may be too late for my mom, but not for the 1 million Americans who live with Parkinson's, or the 10 million people worldwide.
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