11/15/19: I Wore a Headcover

Last night, when I met a good friend for dinner, I decided not to wear a headcover. I figured, we've been friends for 20 years now, I knew this person wouldn't judge me, and I thought it would be a good experiment to just see how I felt, being out and about with my thinning hair.

We sat at the bar, with our backs facing the main entrance. I was pretty self-conscious of how visible my bald line must be to anyone walking into the bar area. It didn't bother me in that I didn't spend much time wondering if anyone noticed or cared, but I did notice that I spent a lot of time fussing with my hair, running my fingers through the top so some hair would fall straight back over the bald line. 

Tonight I did another experiment. We went out to dinner, me and Ken and the kids, and I wore a headcover that I had actually bought a couple weeks ago in preparation for the possibility of needing it.

I had picked this headcover because I thought it was simple yet versatile, and being as averse to shopping as I am, I just wanted to minimize the shopping. I wanted something that had a little shape to it, but not have the rigidity of baseball caps, or their logos. I was also given the advice to find something soft, to help soothe my sensitive scalp. 

So when I wore the hat to dinner tonight, I was still self-conscious, and this time I did wonder if other diners might just casually look over and think my hat was unusual. I found that the full-head coverage and tie closure were helpful, because they made the hat feel secure, so I wasn't constantly fussing with exposed hair, or scratching at my itchy scalp, or re-positioning the hat, which I think I might do if I were wearing just a regular beanie hat. (They are cute, and I'd be open to wearing them, if I ever managed to drag myself shopping).

Overall, I found wearing the headcover to be less distracting to the actual dining experience than not wearing a headcover. 

Taking my nurse's advice, I'm going to start wearing the headcover at home all the time, so I get used to the feeling. With the weather getting colder, it's great that it keeps me warm, too!

I put together these photos to show my hair loss progression in one view. I know the hair thinning might not look so bad from the front, and you can't really tell how thin it is in the photos. But compared to what I'm used to, it's super dramatically different, and it sucks. The hat does give me a feeling not exactly of control, but like, a little bit of empowerment through resigned acceptance, if that makes any sense.