I honestly can't believe I still have hair on my head. But I'll take it. I did already buy some headcovers just in case.
When I gather all my hair like for a ponytail, on Monday it felt about 1/2 as thick as usual. Today (Thursday), it feels at most maybe 1/4 as thick. It's very dramatic and unsettling to me. It's actually surprising how the hair thinning is not very visible.
It's comforting to know that other people probably can't tell, but then I do wonder if some people might underestimate or even dismiss the trauma of hair thinning, if it's not visible and short of total hair loss.
Here's a photo I took today. All my hair is pushed in front of my shoulders, so there's nothing hanging down my back. For comparison, this 9/13/19 post includes a photo from before chemo started.
My scalp continues to feel tight and sensitive, and I wonder if that mild background headache I have might have something to do with that, too.
Besides hair loss and headache, all the other usual side effects continue: blurry vision, blood in stuffy/running nose, acne, tiredness/fatigue from Sunday through Wednesday, and occasional mild neuropathy.
Last night, though, I did encounter a whole new side effect that the oncology nurse had warned me about: ketchup tasted just like metal. Not metallic-y ketchup, or tomato-y metal, just plain metal. So weird.
I’m sorry you are losing your hair. That must be hard. And that all these other side effects are showing up too. You still look fabulous! I love the scarves! Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteYikes, that's a lot of hair in the trash! That definitely would feel alarming to see that and feel how much less thick it is! But you started with lots of thick hair, so your hair still looks really nice! And it will grow back, this is just temporary. And WEIRD about the ketchup tasting like metal! I wonder why that would be! Is it all tomato products? or just ketchup with it's specific concentration of tomato and sugar and other ingredients?
ReplyDeleteWell, we had a tomato-based pasta sauce not too long ago, and it tasted fine then. But these chemo side effects are all supposed to be cumulative, so maybe the change in taste just hadn't kicked in yet. A couple people with chemo experience have told me that I should start staying away from my favorite foods, because sometimes the association with bad tastes, even temporary, will stick with me, and ruin those foods for me in the future! Booooo...
DeleteI totally know what you mean about the trauma of hair loss. I have female pattern baldness and every time I have the courage to really look at my head, I can't believe how much of my scalp is showing.
ReplyDeleteLike your beautiful thick hair, my curls hide the thinning, but I am acutely aware of the difference.
Please be sure to take the time to mourn each change, even if only privately, with yourself. A stiff upper lip will only take you so far. You're not going to be considered weak, or self-focused if you feel sad. This is a "before and after" event in your life.
Love you.
I am definitely feeling sad and sort of just hibernating from the world. I guess I am intentionally keep my blog to "just the facts" because I don't feel comfortable writing about my emotions publicly. But don't worry, I'm not bottling them up inside, they are being expressed, just not here!
DeleteBut you make a good point. Like, maybe some people think I'm doing better than I am, emotionally, because I'm projecting that "stiff upper lip" to the world. But you know, part of me also figures, if someone really cares how I am feeling, all they have to do is ask me!
I appreciate so much your checking in and reading my blog and understanding and commenting. Sending much love right back at you!