8/28/19: (5 Days Post-DMX) I Took a Shower

Warning: This post includes a photo of my surgical drains.

I am mostly up and about now, but I do get tired out. I'm able to spend more time sitting up in bed, and here's the set-up I came up with.

The husband pillow is placed on top of the wedge pillow to give it more height. I have two large, firm pillows behind the husband pillow to provide more stability to support my back. I'm still using the two underarm mastectomy pillows; my underarms and the areas just in front of them have been swollen and bruised, presumably from the sentinel lymph node biopsy. The stuffed animals are there to provide extra support for my arms so I can rest them comfortably, especially when holding a book. (Any small thing feels like a weight on my arms.)

My skin has been irritated where the drain tubes press against my skin. This is where most of the itchiness occurs. Last night I put some Neosporin on it. It includes an analgesic ingredient which helped a lot.

I also folded over the bottom of the compression band so that the drain tubes are now exposed and not pressed against my skin. This way I get relief from the irritation while still keeping my chest area compressed.

I'm tapering off my Tylenol so that I'm taking 500 mg every 8 hours instead of 1000 mg.

I was allowed to shower 2 days after surgery, but I didn't feel ready yet. Yesterday, I decided I would shower today, so I had time to mentally prepare.

I've seen photos of scars from a double mastectomy with no reconstruction, mainly from posts in Facebook support groups. So, I know there's a wide range of possible outcomes, from really flat, clean, symmetrical results to unfortunately lumpy, uneven, disappointing results. The uncertainty of how my scars will look has been a big source of anxiety for me. I think having satisfactory results would go a long way in helping me to accept not having breasts.

I waited for Ken to come home, which was critical because I really needed his help.

I took off the compression band, then the surgical bra... then I took a deep breath and removed the padded dressing. I'm not going to lie, I cried. The unhealed scars are ugly. My entire chest area is bruised, some areas yellow and green, other areas black and blue. My underarms are swollen and one side is numb.

But it's nothing I didn't expect. Really, the incisions look good. They're closed with surgical glue. They are clean and straight and there's no excess skin. It's what I wanted. I would recommend my breast surgeon in a heartbeat, it's clear he's got skillz.

Anyhoo, after a good cry I went on with the shower. In terms of logistics, once I took off the compression band and surgical bra, I had to figure out what to do with the drains so they wouldn't dangle unsupported from the incisions during the shower. I had read some posts in a Facebook support group about pinning the drains to a lanyard around my neck, so that's what I did, and it worked really well.

The shower felt fantastic. I took it slowly, so I had a nice, long, hot shower. What I didn't know, though, is that I should have had a shower chair...

When I stepped out, I was pat-drying as instructed, and I very suddenly felt light-headed. Ken was right there, so he helped me sit down on the toilet seat. I took slow deep breaths. My heart raced, and the feeling did not pass. I knew I needed to lie down, but how would I get to the bed?!

Ken supported me as I slowly made my way to the couch in our bedroom; it's closer than the bed. I made it as far as the bathroom door, and then I had to stop. I didn't pass out, but the light-headedness got worse, my vision got dark, and Ken later said my knees weakened. I closed my eyes, we paused for a bit, but knew I had to get to the couch (just a few steps), so we forged ahead. The second I sat down and could lean backwards, I felt better. Ken got a stool for me to put my feet up, and I felt even better. Drinking water got me feeling almost back to normal.

I sat like that for maybe like 10-15 minutes. I think the shower just took a lot out of me.

So, once recovered, I applied clean padded dressing (given to me during hospital discharge), and Ken helped to tape them in place with medical tape. Replacing the surgical bra wasn't trivial because it's elastic, and I didn't have the arm strength to pull it enough to close the hook fasteners. Ken had to do it for me, and he helped me with the compression band, too.

So now I'm fresh and clean, and also tuckered out. I think I'll sleep well tonight.