9/14/19: (22 Days Post-DMX) I Spent Time with Friends while Flat

For the first time since my surgery, I saw friends while being flat and wearing regular clothes.

I did receive post-surgery visits from friends, but in those early days I always wore my surgical bra, the compression band, and a mastectomy shirt, plus I still had my drains. I felt like I was in "recovery mode", so it didn't really matter what I looked like. 

Yesterday, for the first time, I went to a friend's house, and I wore regular clothes. In fact, this was the same friend who gave me the wrap I was wearing. I was a little self-conscious at first, but it was fine. 

Today, a long-time friend from college was in town for business, and he came over for dinner. I told him about my surgery in advance. I pondered all day about what I would wear. I am usually a casual dresser, so I felt it would be uncharacteristic of me to go out of my way to look fashionable with a scarf or wrap while simply being in my own home. I finally decided to wear a lightweight button-down plaid flannel shirt. My flatness was obvious. I do have a set of Knitted Knockers just waiting to be used, but I don't feel ready to wear them while my chest is still bruised and numb, and my incisions are still healing. It also just felt more natural to not wear them. 

I very much enjoyed both evenings, and I think I felt fine in my flatness. In both cases, I was apprehensive at first, but any uneasiness I had melted away as we got to talking. We talked some about my cancer, but mostly about other things. If you ask me, nothing beats good conversation with good friends over good food.

I know these private interactions with close friends are rather different from public outings with possible interactions with acquaintances, but I feel it's progress towards being more comfortable in my own skin. It was a bit of practice being flat in front of others. I feel like I am building my confidence incrementally, each interaction serving as evidence that I can do it.